Difference Between

Difference Between Wake and Funeral

Nex Virox Team
Written byNex Virox Team
Editorial Team
Varshal Nirbhavane
Senior SEO & Organic Growth Professional · 5+ years
21 min read
Quick answer

The main difference between Wake and Funeral is that a wake is a social gathering with the body present, while a funeral is a formal ceremony honoring the deceased. Wake is a visitation held before the funeral, often with an open casket, while Funeral is a structured service that includes rites, eulogies, and burial or cremation.

Key takeaways

  • Core distinction: A wake is a social visitation with the body present, while a funeral is a formal ceremony, often without the body.
  • How each works: Wakes run for multiple hours over 1-2 days for open viewing; funerals are a single 30-60 minute scheduled service.
  • Cost and effort: Wakes cost $500-$2,000 for refreshments and staffing; funerals cost $2,000-$10,000 including officiant, venue, and printed programs.
  • Best-fit use case: Choose a wake for flexible, casual grieving with large groups; choose a funeral for structured religious or cultural rites.
  • Most common mistake: Assuming a wake replaces a funeral—most families hold both, with the wake preceding the funeral service.

Difference Between Wake and Funeral: Comparison Table

AspectWakeFuneral
DefinitionA social vigil held with the body present before the formal service.A structured ceremony honouring the deceased, usually with the body or urn.
Primary PurposeAllows mourners informal visitation and private grief expression in a relaxed setting.Provides a formal ritual to commemorate life and facilitate communal closure.
Core MechanismOpen viewing with continuous guest arrival, conversation, and shared memories.Directed sequence involving readings, eulogies, music, and often a religious officiant.
Typical DurationSpans 2 to 4 hours, often held in the evening.Lasts 30 to 60 minutes, depending on religious tradition.
Body PresenceBody is almost always present in an open or closed casket.Body may be present or absent if cremation occurred earlier.
Viewing TypeCasket is typically open, allowing guests to approach freely.Casket may be open or closed, decided by the family beforehand.
Religious OriginRooted in Catholic tradition of praying vigil over the deceased.Practiced across nearly all faiths with denomination-specific rites.
Ceremony StructureNo fixed order; guests move freely between prayer, reflection, and socialising.Follows a printed order of service with assigned speakers and hymns.
Emotional ToneMore relaxed and social, allowing laughter and storytelling alongside tears.More solemn and formal, with grief as the dominant emotional focus.
Interaction LevelGuests converse directly with family members in small clusters.Attendees sit passively in rows facing the officiant or speaker.
Timing in SequenceHeld the evening before the funeral or burial.Occurs after the wake and before committal or burial.
Geographic VariationCommon in Ireland, Scotland, the US Midwest, and Catholic regions.Universal practice, though style varies widely across countries and cultures.
Direct CostLower cost, typically $200 to $500 for basic viewing room rental.Higher cost, averaging $2,000 to $7,000 for full service packages.
Staffing NeedsRequires one funeral director attendant and occasional refreshment staff.Needs officiant, pallbearers, musicians, and multiple funeral home staff.
Preparation SpeedArranged within 24 to 48 hours after embalming is completed.Requires 3 to 7 days for venue booking and printed materials.
Embalming RequirementEmbalming is often required at 24 hours or more after death.Embalming is optional unless the casket is open or burial is delayed.
Venue FlexibilityHeld in homes, funeral homes, or community halls with minimal setup.Typically held in churches, chapels, or dedicated funeral home rooms.
Guest CapacityAllows 50 to 150 people circulating in a single open room.Seats 100 to 300 people within fixed pew or chair arrangements.
Musical RoleBackground music is optional and often omitted for conversation.Hymns and recorded songs are integral to the programmed service.
Religious ComponentFeatures informal rosary or prayers led by a family member.Includes full liturgy, scripture readings, and clergy-led sermon.
Dress CodeBusiness casual is acceptable; dark colours are preferred but not enforced.Formal attire is expected, with black or dark conservative clothing standard.
Children AttendanceChildren attend freely and can move about without disrupting a service.Children attend but must remain seated and quiet for the full duration.
Eulogy DeliveryInformal remembrances are shared spontaneously among small groups.One or two prepared eulogies are delivered from a podium.
Cultural RitualsIncludes food sharing, whisky toasts, and overnight vigils in some regions.Includes processions, pall draping, and committal prayers.
Floral ArrangementsFlowers are placed around the casket but are typically smaller arrangements.Large standing sprays and casket blankets are standard features.
Media RecordingPhotography is common and accepted, though guests typically avoid shots of the body.Videography is allowed with family permission, but flash photography is discouraged.
Virtual OptionLive-streaming is rare due to the informal drop-in nature.Live-streaming is now offered by most funeral homes for remote guests.
Clothing of DeceasedDeceased is dressed in casual or personal clothing like a favourite suit.Deceased is dressed in formal burial garments or religious vestments.
Psychological ImpactProvides gradual exposure that helps mourners accept the reality of death.Offers structured closure through public acknowledgement and ritual.
Best Fit ScenarioChoose for close-knit communities wanting intimate, unhurried farewells.Choose for traditional families needing a formal, officiated religious rite.

What Is Wake?

A wake is a social gathering held before a funeral where mourners keep watch over the deceased's body. It provides a structured time for family and friends to pay respects, share memories, and offer mutual support. Wakes exist to ease the transition from death to burial with communal presence.

Definition of Wake

A wake is a formal vigil or reception, typically held in a funeral home or private residence, during which the deceased lies in an open or closed casket for viewing. Attendees engage in quiet reflection, conversation, and prayer. Unlike a funeral service, a wake has no prescribed liturgy or officiant, allowing flexible timing and informal mourning customs.

Key Characteristics of Wake

CharacteristicWhat It Means in Practice
Body presentThe deceased is usually displayed in an open casket, allowing mourners a final visual farewell and closure.
Informal structureNo fixed order of service; attendees arrive and leave freely during designated hours, often over two evenings.
Social atmosphereConversation, storytelling, and light refreshments are common, creating a supportive rather than somber mood.
Family-led hostingImmediate family members greet guests, receive condolences, and often stand near the casket throughout the event.
Religious flexibilityPrayers may be led by clergy or laypersons, but the format adapts to the family's faith or secular preferences.
Timing before burialTypically held one or two days prior to the funeral service, allowing travel time for distant relatives.
Viewing customsGuests may touch the hand or shoulder of the deceased, place items in the casket, or simply pause silently.
Refreshments offeredCoffee, tea, and light snacks are usually provided, encouraging lingering and extended conversation among attendees.
Children welcomeUnlike some funeral rites, wakes often include children, helping them understand death in a gentle, community context.
Cultural variationsIrish wakes feature storytelling and games; Louisiana wakes include jazz music; Mexican wakes incorporate Catholic rosary prayers.

Common Examples of Wake

  • Irish wake – A multi-day home vigil with storytelling, tobacco, and whiskey, celebrating the deceased's life with humor and song.
  • New Orleans jazz wake – A brass band leads mourners in upbeat hymns and secular tunes, ending with a second-line parade.
  • Filipino wake (Lamay) – A 3-to-7-day vigil with daily rosary prayers, card games, and communal meals served to all visitors.
  • Mexican wake (Velorio) – An overnight home gathering featuring Catholic prayers, flowers, and traditional foods like tamales and atole.
  • Jewish shiva reception – A post-burial gathering at the mourner's home with mirrors covered, low stools, and condolence meals from neighbors.
  • African American wake – A church or funeral-home vigil combining gospel hymns, eulogies from community elders, and emotional testimonials.
  • Italian wake (Veglia) – An open-casket viewing with espresso, biscotti, and extended family members keeping round-the-clock watch.
  • Viking-style wake – A modern secular gathering with mead toasts, saga readings, and personal tributes, echoing Norse funeral feasts.
  • Military wake – A formal viewing with an honor guard, folded-flag presentation, and uniformed comrades paying final respects.
  • Virtual wake – A livestreamed or video-conference vigil for distant relatives, using a shared memorial webpage for comments and photos.

Advantages and Limitations of Wake

AdvantagesLimitations
Provides immediate emotional support from a gathered community, reducing isolation for grieving family members.Requires significant planning and expense, including casket rental, venue fees, and refreshment catering costs that strain budgets.
Offers mourners a tangible farewell with the body present, which clinical studies link to healthier grief processing.Open-casket viewing can distress children or sensitive adults, causing lasting anxiety or intrusive memories of the corpse.
Accommodates flexible scheduling across two evenings, allowing shift workers and distant relatives multiple attendance opportunities.Prolonged vigils exhaust immediate family, who must remain present for hours while managing their own acute grief.
Creates a low-pressure environment for casual conversation, unlike the formal eulogy structure of a funeral service.Social expectations to make small talk can feel performative, pressuring mourners to suppress genuine sorrow.
Allows cultural and religious traditions to be adapted freely, from Irish storytelling to Mexican rosary recitation.Cultural clashes arise when mixed-faith families disagree on appropriate customs, such as alcohol use or music selection.
Enables children to participate in mourning at their own pace, with adults available to answer questions naturally.Very young children may not understand death's permanence, leading to confusion or fear when seeing a still body.
Strengthens extended family bonds through shared meals and storytelling, reinforcing kinship networks for future support.Feuds or estranged relatives may create awkward confrontations, turning a healing vigil into a tense social obligation.
Provides a private alternative to public funeral services for families who prefer intimate, home-based mourning rituals.Home wakes require preparing the residence, moving furniture, and managing food safety for large groups over multiple days.
Offers a final opportunity for last-minute visitors who missed the deathbed or cannot attend the daytime funeral.Embalming is legally required for open-casket wakes in most jurisdictions, adding $500-$700 in unavoidable costs.
Reduces the psychological shock of the funeral by easing mourners gradually into the reality of death through staged exposure.Some mourners find repeated viewings macabre, preferring to remember the person alive rather than focusing on the corpse.

What Is Funeral?

A funeral is a formal ceremony held to honor and remember a deceased person, typically within days of death. It provides a structured gathering for mourners to express grief, offer support, and participate in cultural or religious rituals that facilitate communal closure.

Definition of Funeral

A funeral is a professionally coordinated event comprising rites, rituals, and memorialization practices conducted to commemorate a decedent, often involving embalming, a viewing, a service, and subsequent burial or cremation, governed by legal, religious, and family customs.

Key Characteristics of Funeral

CharacteristicWhat It Means in Practice
TimingTypically held within 3 to 7 days after death, allowing family travel and preparation while respecting perishable body conditions.
Body presenceUsually includes the embalmed or refrigerated body in an open or closed casket, enabling a final visual farewell for attendees.
Formal structureFollows a set order of events, such as eulogies, prayers, music, and readings, led by a clergy member or celebrant.
Cultural specificityRituals vary widely by religion and ethnicity, from Catholic vigil masses to Buddhist chanting and secular humanist tributes.
Venue typeHeld in a funeral home chapel, church, mosque, synagogue, or outdoor site, depending on family preference and faith.
Professional oversightManaged by a licensed funeral director who handles permits, transportation, and coordination with cemeteries or crematories.
Visitation componentOften preceded by a viewing or wake period, allowing smaller groups to pay respects privately before the main service.
Symbolic elementsIncludes flowers, candles, photographs, and personal mementos that visually represent the deceased's life and personality.
Disposition focusConcludes with burial, entombment, or cremation, directly linking the ceremony to the final physical handling of remains.
Emotional purposeServes as a public acknowledgment of loss, helping mourners begin the grieving process through shared expression and communal support.

Common Examples of Funeral

  • State funeral - A public ceremony for national figures like Queen Elizabeth II, featuring military honors, a lying-in-state, and world leaders in attendance.
  • Catholic funeral Mass - A full liturgical service with Eucharist, incense, and scripture readings, typically held in a parish church with a priest presiding.
  • Jewish funeral - A swift burial service within 24 hours, featuring Psalms, a eulogy, and the Kaddish prayer, often at a synagogue or graveside.
  • Military funeral - Honors veterans with a flag-draped casket, rifle salute, and bugler playing "Taps," followed by flag presentation to the next of kin.
  • Green funeral - An eco-friendly service using a biodegradable casket, no embalming chemicals, and burial in a natural cemetery or conservation ground.
  • Celebration of life - A less formal, upbeat gathering with personal stories, video montages, and favorite music, often held in a community hall or garden.
  • Muslim funeral - A simple, quick service involving washing the body, wrapping in white cloth, and funeral prayers (Salat al-Janazah) before burial facing Mecca.
  • Hindu funeral - An open-casket service with garlands and chanting, followed by cremation within 24 hours and ashes scattered in a sacred river.
  • Humanist funeral - A non-religious ceremony led by a celebrant, focusing on the person's life story, with no prayers or religious symbols.
  • Direct cremation funeral - A minimal service with no viewing or ceremony, where remains are cremated immediately and ashes returned to family for later memorialization.

Advantages and Limitations of Funeral

AdvantagesLimitations
Provides a structured outlet for collective grief, reducing isolation and helping mourners feel supported by community and family networks.High costs are common, with the median funeral expense in the U.S. around $8,000, creating financial strain on grieving families.
Offers cultural and religious continuity, allowing families to honor ancestral traditions and find comfort in familiar rituals and prayers.Emotional intensity can overwhelm attendees, especially children or sensitive individuals, potentially complicating the grieving process.
Facilitates closure by providing a final visual and symbolic farewell, which many psychologists link to healthier long-term bereavement outcomes.Rushed planning within days of death forces hasty decisions, sometimes leading to regret over venue, casket, or service choices.
Creates a permanent memory event, with photos, guest books, and eulogies that preserve the deceased's legacy for future generations.Religious requirements may conflict with personal wishes, causing tension when the deceased's beliefs differ from family traditions.
Enables legal and logistical coordination, as funeral directors handle death certificates, permits, and disposition paperwork efficiently.Geographic dispersion of family can limit attendance, leaving distant relatives unable to participate in the full ceremony.
Provides a safe space for public emotional expression, normalizing tears and shared memories without fear of judgment.Embalming and traditional burial have significant environmental impacts, including chemical use and land consumption, unlike cremation.
Supports immediate practical needs, such as arranging transportation for mourners and coordinating meals or receptions after the service.Social pressure to host an elaborate funeral may lead families to overspend beyond their means, creating long-term debt.
Allows for personalized elements, such as custom caskets, themed decorations, or unique music, reflecting the individual's personality.Weather and venue availability can disrupt outdoor or scheduled services, requiring last-minute changes that add stress.
Strengthens family bonds, as shared planning and attendance often bring estranged relatives together for a common purpose.Unresolved family conflicts can surface during planning, turning the funeral into a battleground for control or inheritance disputes.
Offers a clear endpoint to the death event, helping mourners transition from acute shock to the longer process of rebuilding daily life.Short service duration (typically 30-60 minutes) may feel insufficient for deep processing, pushing grief into later private struggles.

Similarities Between Wake and Funeral

Shared AspectHow Wake and Funeral Are Alike
Core PurposeBoth a wake and a funeral provide a structured gathering for mourners to honor and remember a deceased person.
Grief RitualA wake and a funeral both serve as formal cultural rituals that help attendees process grief collectively.
Body PresentBoth a wake and a funeral typically feature the deceased's body present, either in an open or closed casket.
Family RoleThe immediate family of the deceased organizes and hosts both the wake and the funeral event.
Invitation TypeBoth a wake and a funeral are open to invited friends, family, and community members, not the general public.
Religious ElementA wake and a funeral often include prayers, clergy leadership, or religious readings depending on family faith.
Emotional FocusBoth a wake and a funeral center on expressing sorrow, offering condolences, and sharing memories of the deceased.
Timing SequenceA wake and a funeral occur within days after death, usually before the burial or cremation takes place.
Venue TypeBoth a wake and a funeral commonly take place in a funeral home, church, or family residence.
Floral DisplayFlowers and floral arrangements are standard decorations at both a wake and a funeral service.
Eulogy GivenSpoken tributes or eulogies are delivered at both a wake and a funeral to celebrate the deceased's life.
Attire NormMourners wear dark, conservative clothing at both a wake and a funeral to show respect.
Condolence GiftGuests bring sympathy cards, flowers, or charitable donations to both a wake and a funeral.
Professional StaffFuneral directors and staff coordinate logistics for both a wake and a funeral service.
Viewing TimeBoth a wake and a funeral include dedicated periods for attendees to view the body and pay respects.
Emotional SupportA wake and a funeral both offer a supportive environment where mourners comfort each other directly.
Cultural TraditionBoth a wake and a funeral follow long-standing cultural customs that vary by ethnicity and region.
Memory SharingAttendees share personal stories and anecdotes at both a wake and a funeral to honor the deceased.
Children IncludedBoth a wake and a funeral typically include children in the mourning process with family guidance.
Music ElementHymns, songs, or instrumental music are played at both a wake and a funeral to set tone.
Photographic DisplayPhoto boards or slideshows of the deceased are common at both a wake and a funeral.
Guest BookBoth a wake and a funeral provide a guest book for attendees to sign and leave messages.
Refreshment OfferedLight food and beverages are served at both a wake and a funeral reception afterward.
Mourning PeriodA wake and a funeral both mark the formal beginning of the family's public mourning period.
Logistical PlanningBoth a wake and a funeral require advance scheduling of venue, staff, and service order.
Cost StructureA wake and a funeral both incur costs for venue rental, staff, casket, and printed materials.
Legal DocumentationBoth a wake and a funeral require death certificates and permits before the service proceeds.
Community BondingA wake and a funeral both strengthen social ties by bringing together a community in shared loss.
Closure FunctionBoth a wake and a funeral help mourners begin emotional closure by confronting death openly.
Post-Service BurialA wake and a funeral both lead directly to the burial or cremation of the deceased's remains.

Wake or Funeral: Which Should You Choose?

The single deciding variable is whether the body will be present for viewing. A wake always includes the embalmed body for visitation, while a funeral is a formal ceremony that may occur with or without the body present. Choose based on your family’s need for an open-casket goodbye versus a structured memorial service.

When to Use Wake

Choose Wake when you need multiple visitation hours for a large community or when your cultural or religious traditions require an open casket. Wakes typically cost $500–$2,500 less than funerals because they skip the formal ceremony venue. They work best for families who want flexible drop-in hours over 2–3 evenings, not a single scheduled event.

When to Use Funeral

Choose Funeral when you require a structured religious service with an officiant or when the body will be cremated or buried without viewing. Funerals suit families needing a clear timeline, a eulogy, and a procession to the cemetery. They are the right choice if you want a closed-casket ceremony or a memorial that focuses on spoken tributes rather than physical remains.

Common Misconceptions About Wake and Funeral

Common MythThe Reality
A wake and a funeral are the exact same event with different names.A wake is a visitation with the body present, while a funeral is a formal ceremony, often with a service and procession.
The wake always happens the night before the funeral.A wake can occur one or two evenings prior, or immediately before the funeral service, depending on family and cultural tradition.
You must attend both the wake and the funeral if you knew the person.Attendance at a wake is optional; the funeral is the primary ceremony, and a wake visit is a separate gesture of support.
The body is always present and viewable at a wake.Some wakes feature a closed casket or no body at all, especially after trauma, cremation, or when the family requests privacy.
Wakes are only held in a funeral home or the deceased's home.Wakes can be held at a church hall, community center, or even a private residence, depending on space and preference.
A funeral always includes a graveside service.Funerals may be followed by burial, but cremation, entombment, or a memorial service without graveside rites are equally common.
The wake is a Catholic-only tradition.Wakes are practiced across many cultures, including Irish, Italian, Filipino, and African American communities, not exclusively Catholic.
At a wake, you are expected to view the body and say a prayer.Viewing is optional, and a simple greeting to the family is acceptable; no formal prayer is required unless you choose to offer one.
Funerals are always religious services with clergy present.Funerals can be secular or humanist, led by a celebrant, family member, or friend, with no religious content whatsoever.
The wake is less formal, so casual clothing is always fine.Wakes still call for respectful attire, typically dark or subdued clothing; jeans and t-shirts are often seen as disrespectful.
You cannot have a funeral if the body was cremated.A funeral with cremation is common; the cremated remains can be present in an urn during the service.
The funeral always happens within three days of death.Funerals can be delayed weeks for autopsies, out-of-town relatives, or religious observances like Jewish or Muslim waiting periods.
Wakes are somber, silent events where no laughter is allowed.Wakes often include storytelling, laughter, and shared memories, especially in cultures that celebrate the deceased's life.
You must send flowers to either a wake or a funeral.Flowers are optional; many families request donations to charity or a memorial fund instead of floral tributes.
A memorial service is the same thing as a funeral.A memorial service occurs without the body present, whereas a funeral includes the deceased, whether in a casket or an urn.
Children should never attend a wake or funeral.Many experts and families include children with preparation; brief attendance at a wake or funeral can aid grief processing.
The wake is always open to the public, and anyone can walk in.Some wakes are private or by invitation only, especially for public figures, or when the family wants a small gathering.
You must speak to the family at a wake, even if you feel awkward.A brief nod, a handshake, or a written note in the guest book is sufficient; you are never forced to converse.
Funerals are always more expensive than wakes.The funeral service itself may cost less than a wake if the wake includes catering, venue rental, and multiple days of staffing.
The body at a wake is always embalmed.Embalming is not legally required in most states; refrigeration or dry ice can preserve the body for a short wake without embalming.
A wake cannot be held if the death was a suicide or accident.Wakes are held after any death type; funeral directors can prepare the body for viewing regardless of the cause.
You should not eat or drink at a wake.Many wakes include refreshments or a full meal, especially in Irish or Southern traditions where food is central to hospitality.
The funeral procession always follows the hearse to the cemetery.Processions are optional; many families skip the cortege and meet privately at the graveside or skip burial entirely.
Wakes are only for the deceased's immediate family and close friends.Wakes are typically open to coworkers, neighbors, and acquaintances; the family decides who is invited, not a rule.
A funeral must include a eulogy given by a family member.Eulogies are optional; a clergy member, friend, or no eulogy at all is acceptable, and some funerals focus on music or readings.
The wake is the time to pay respects, and the funeral is just a formality.The funeral is the primary ritual for mourning and closure; the wake is a secondary, social support event for the family.
You cannot have a wake if the funeral is a closed-casket service.A closed casket at the funeral does not prevent an open casket at the wake; the family can choose different viewing arrangements.
Wakes and funerals are only for adults; infants and children get no ceremony.Wakes and funerals are held for infants and children too, often with smaller, more intimate gatherings and special rituals.
You should arrive late to a wake to avoid a long stay.Arriving early or on time is respectful; staying 15–30 minutes is typical, and leaving after greeting the family is proper.
The word "wake" comes from watching the body for signs of life.The term "wake" historically meant a vigil or watch over the deceased, but it derives from the Old English "wacu," meaning to stay awake.

Conclusion

Difference Between Wake and Funeral centers on timing and body presence: a wake is a casual viewing before the service, while a funeral is the formal ceremony with the casket. Choose a wake for intimate grieving and flexible hours. Choose a funeral for structured remembrance and communal closure.

FAQs on Difference Between Wake and Funeral

What is the difference between a wake and a funeral?
A wake is a social gathering with the body present, typically held the evening before the funeral, while a funeral is a formal ceremony that includes the burial or cremation and often occurs during the day.
Which one is better to attend, a wake or a funeral?
Neither is better; attending both is customary in many cultures, but if you must choose, prioritize the funeral because it is the primary formal service, while the wake offers a more casual chance to offer condolences.
How much does a wake cost compared to a funeral?
A wake costs $500 to $2,000 for venue, refreshments, and staffing, whereas a full funeral averages $7,000 to $12,000, including the casket, service, and burial or cremation fees.
Are there any health or safety risks at a wake or funeral?
Health risks are minimal at both, but embalming reduces contagion risk at a wake, and funeral homes follow strict sanitation protocols, so wearing masks is only necessary if you are immunocompromised or flu season is active.
Can a wake and a funeral be combined into one event?
Yes, many families combine a wake and funeral into a single visitation followed by the ceremony on the same day, which reduces costs and travel time for mourners.
What is a common beginner mistake when planning a wake or funeral?
The most common mistake is assuming the wake must have an open casket, but you can hold a closed-casket wake with photos and mementos, which is often more comfortable for grieving children and sensitive guests.
Are the terms wake and funeral interchangeable?
No, they are not interchangeable because a wake is a pre-funeral viewing with the body present, while a funeral is the structured service that leads to the final disposition, so using them interchangeably can confuse the schedule.
What is a real-world use case for holding a wake instead of a funeral?
A real-world use case is when a family needs time for distant relatives to travel, so they hold a wake on a Thursday evening and schedule the funeral for Friday morning, allowing everyone to participate without rushing.
Can I switch from a wake to a funeral if I change my mind?
Yes, you can switch by contacting the funeral director at least 24 hours in advance, but you may lose a non-refundable deposit on the wake venue, and the funeral home will adjust the service plan accordingly.
What should I say at a wake versus a funeral?
At a wake, you say brief personal memories like "I loved how she laughed," while at a funeral, you offer formal condolences like "I am so sorry for your loss," because the wake is conversational and the funeral is ceremonial.